Thor: Ragnarok meets Romancing the Stone in this laugh-out-loud epic fantasy about a perfection-obsessed soldier who spirals through death after death as he tries to undo a single mistake on his quest to rescue the perfect princess.
How many times would you die to achieve perfection?
Thor: Ragnarok meets Romancing the Stone in this laugh-out-loud epic fantasy about a perfection-obsessed soldier who spirals through death after death as he tries to undo a single mistake on his quest to rescue the perfect princess.
Perfection...or death and death and death.Akiro, a commander of guards, is one bold move from seizing perfection, and perhaps even the love of his nation's princess. But during his mad ploy to impress her by capturing a dread monster, she gets kidnapped.
Akiro abandons his duties to sail after her Outlander kidnappers, his lone lead in the rescue a notorious Outlander he captures named Black Lamb. Before he can make sense of Lamb's involvement, however, an impossibly powerful magical attack destroys Akiro's ship.Everyone aboard dies except Lamb, a giant flying squirrel, and a tongueless cabin boy. Akiro is only brought back to life by the sacrifice of his adoptive aunt.
With an elemental heart now beating erratically in his chest, Akiro faces a staggering quest. Rescue his princess from a foreign land. While now being allergic to metal as, one by one, the elements fueling his new heart begin extinguishing. At least his elemental heart gives him access to his aunt's magic. Unfortunately, he's terrible with it.Thankfully, or perhaps regrettably, Akiro's quest drags in the notorious Lamb, the hound-sized, rainbow-furred flying squirrel Smuggly, and the tongueless cabin boy Heckler (whose only goal in joining them seems to be mocking Akiro).Racing against time and across a foreign nation rife with marriage festivals and windmill cities, Akiro's detestation of Lamb begins to soften. But he's a commander of guards. She's a notorious revolutionary. Their story can only have one ending. Either he'll be perfected by saving his nation's princess, or irrevocably tainted by discovering his true heart lies with three ne'er-do-wells.
At least there’s a chance that along the way that he'll reignite his elemental heart with some flawlessly heroic sex.
A ridiculously fun epic fantasy, Tainted is perfect for fans of Running Close to the Wind, The Blacktongue Thief, Dreadful, How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying, and Long Live Evil.
Die chasing your dream, find a way back, set out on a quest to capture what truly matters, and maybe have some heroic sex.
You can get Forsworn in this campaign too!
Tainted is the ridiculous second novel in The Dead Mercenaries, a new epic fantasy series featuring warriors who die by the sword, find a way back, set out on a quest to wreak havoc, and maybe have some heroic sex. Each book is a standalone novel connected by reader easter eggs. The story and scope of these novels intertwine into the larger world of The Endless Folly.
You'll get:
Found Family
Crazy Animal Sidekicks
Rescue Missions for the Rescue Mission
Excessive Unintended Nudity
Countless Comebacks
Obsessions Defeated by Love
Ridiculous Heart
Book Two is 120k words in length, approximately 456 pages, and my most ridiculous book to date.
I write books to help readers heal, and the concept for Tainted grew from a deep desire to burn everything following a betrayal. It's also a love letter to all the friends I made following that betrayal. And because I love ridiculous heart, I wanted Tainted to take that journey with absurdity and romance. Think a gender-swapped Romancing the Stone (where they're both idiots) meets Thor: Ragnarok.
Ever had someone you trusted stick a knife in your back? A friend walk away in a time of need? Know someone you would've loved forever but now you want to see burn? Then this series is for you.
It's also for you if just want a ridiculous romp through a high-stakes fantasy kidnapping!
Tainted is guaranteed to make you laugh. If I fail you in this quest, not only will I refund your coin, but I will provide unparalleled recommendations for burning any and all physical merch while a cabin boy uses a sketch book to mock me for my failure.
Looking for a special edition hardcover? A D&D 5E subclass? Other bonus swag? Then you've found perfection here.
The Special Edition Hardcover will the be the ultimate Tainted experience.
Deliciously Custom Dust Jacket
Blindingly Shiny Foiling
Saucy Sprayed Edges
Heart-Stopping Interior Art
Sexy Smyth-Sewn Binding
8.5" x 5.5", approx. 465 pages
And we'll make it even more beautiful through our stretch goals!
Preposterous Patterned End Sheets
Ridiculous Chapter Art
Even MOAR Heart-Stopping Interior Art
This campaign is focused on the second book in the Dead Mercenaries series, but we brought the same treatment to the first book, Forsworn, and we'll do likewise for the third as well.
My goal is to make this ridiculous epic accessible to everyone, in whatever format and price point you prefer. We've got the e-book, the paperback, and the signed hardcover, plus access to leftover spoils from Forsworn! You choose the package that's right for you!
Tier I (Explorer): $9 - Tainted eBook + all digital swag
Tier II (Princess): $25 - Tainted Paperback + all digital swag
Tier III (Hero): $65 - Tainted Special Edition Signed Hardcover + all digital swag
Tier IV (Living Dead Mercenary): $125 - Forsworn & Tainted Special Edition Signed Hardcovers + all digital swag
Tier V (Cheeky Revolutionary): $350 - Tier V??!?Everything Tainted in this Backerkit + immortality within all Tainted books
The first goal of this campaign is to deliver a hardcover edition of Tainted that is a work of art. The second is to hook you up with swag. We've got some fantastic bonuses for this project.
All physical books come autographed! By ordering them through the campaign, you get them directly from me. This allows me to add that special touch.
All eBooks are DRM-free and will be delivered digitally by BookFunnel. They can be loaded on any device: Kindle, Nook, Kobo e-reader, computer, smartphone, and tablet.
Beyond this, we've got some ridiculous stretch goals! You made this ridiculous dream happen. Let's celebrate you!
Bonus D&D subclass? Sweet!
Help us spread the word and share in the spoils of victory!
I'm J.D. Penndagger and Tainted is my twelfth novel and the most obsessive story I've spun yet. My writing career began in Portland, Oregon in a tale as old as time: Making my way downtown, driving fast, faces pass, and I hit a wizard who fell out of the sky. The wizard didn’t survive, but they left behind dozens of manuscripts, which I now publish.
I love snowboarding, soccer, martial arts, and making people laugh. I want to make you feel you can chase your dreams and come back from anything. I currently adventure in the Rockies with my friends, two children, and the dorkiest golden retriever ever.
Get ready to laugh, eyeroll, bite back curses, and decide how much you'd risk for perfection with Tainted!
We're a part of Printopia 2026 for Fantasy! A celebration of books, comics, and graphic novels featuring an amazing lineup of creators crowdfunding together from September 10 – October 1 📅
🎁 Printopia Freebies Overview — Check out all the different ways you can get freebies in addition to your pledge rewards!
Cross-Collab Freebies — Back both projects in a Cross-Collab pair and get freebies from those participating creators (see individual project pages for exact freebie details and unlock requirements).
Banner Digital Zine Freebie — Support 3+ creators per banner to unlock their limited banner digital zine freebie, filled with art, stories, and bonus content from that group’s participants. Collect a new and exciting digital zine from each banner!
🎁I've teamed up with Michael Kingswood to deliver some exclusive cross-collaboration bonuses!🎁
✅☑️If you back both of us for digital rewards, you'll get a secret short story from me and one from Michael. If you back a physical reward, you'll get those stories plus a cross-collab-only bookmark! Hit the link below and get the freebies!
Adventure awaits in Rifts, the 8th novel of the Glimmer Vale Chronicles, a fun heroic fantasy series set in a world of valor and magic.
The current plan is for Tainted to ship in February of 2027. We're doing the Backerkit now so we can send out all the campaign rewards that month.
SHIPPING
All shipping fees will be chargedseparately, AFTER the campaign, during pledge management. The prices below are estimates. Actual shipping prices will be determined after production is finished and we're gearing up to send out the books. Also, if you add-on additional physicalcopies of the book to your order, your shipping cost may increase.
Estimated shipping costs (for asingle book):
$8 USA
$15 Canada
$8-20 UK (Special Editions are printed in the UK so we can ship direct and I'll mail a book plate separately)
$25 Elsewhere
PAY OVER TIME IS AVAILABLE!
For this campaign, we will be trying out Backerkit's Pay Over Time beta feature! If your pledge is over $150, after you select a pledge and go to Checkout, you'll be given the option to pay 4 equal interest-free monthly installments of your pledge total over the course of 4 months.
If you select Pay Over Time, you acknowledge that:
You understand that your rewards will not qualify for shipment until you have paid in full.
You understand that any partial payments made are not eligible for a refund.
You understand that you will not be able to access the pledge manager survey until after you have paid in full.
Fantasy
Is ONE world really enough? Do you not need to conquer more like the book dragon we all know you are?
Authors and creators need coffee to sustain themselves, and here is your chance to directly support them. We've all banded together on this quest, so why not check out other campaigns?
Back 3 or more campaigns in the Fantasy Banner get an Exclusive Zine featuring Bonus Content from every Creator!
Ready to escape yet?
📖 Printopia 2026
This is aPrintopia 2026project 📚 A celebration of books, comics, and graphic novels featuring an amazing lineup of creators crowdfunding together from September 10 – October 1 📅
👀 Explore the Printopia Banners Every project belongs to a banner, so you can discover stories you'll love and creators to follow:
Fantasy: Epic worlds, mythical beasts, and magic systems that defy reality.
Sci-Fi: Futuristic technology, space adventures, and mind-bending science.
Horror & Thriller: Spine-chilling scares, dark mysteries, and high-stakes suspense.
Romance: Heartwarming journeys, passionate bonds, and unforgettable love.
All-Ages: Fun, engaging, and wholesome tales perfect for every generation.
Anthologies & Collections: Curated short stories, diverse art styles, and unique creative voices.
🎁 Printopia Freebies Overview — Check out all the different ways you can get freebies in addition to your pledge rewards!
Banner Digital Zine Freebie — Support 3+ creators per banner to unlock their limited banner digital zine freebie, filled with art, stories, and bonus content from that group’s participants. Collect a new and exciting digital zine from each banner!
Cross-Collab Freebies — Back both projects in a Cross-Collab pair and get freebies from those participating creators (see individual project pages for exact freebie details and unlock requirements).
Michael Kingswood