I've made it a year, today.

I'm not entirely sure how. I'm not great, mentally/emotionally, but I'm stable existentially. Part of me thinks I'll be fine, I made it through the first year, which should be the hardest. Part of me has no idea HOW I made it, and doesn't think I can do this. I know instinctively that I can, and will, because I don't know how to do anything else EXCEPT survive, and I kind of hate that. I hate that I get to keep surviving but not truly living. No donations or projects can make that different, either. It's just how it is.

I AM finishing this, and I'll print and ship it with my own money as I can. This year has wiped me out financially on several occasions, and I'm not asking for more from you to give you the thing you already paid to get. I wish I didn't have to use the funds to survive, but I had no other choice. My problem, my responsibility. It may take awhile, but you'll get it. I will also never ask you to back another project again. I'm so very sorry.

I love you, Sylv, and I still miss you so fucking much.

Back at it, and just crossed the halfway mark on the art! Some of these are my best work so far. Here's the one that got me past halfway:

Taking Zoey for her daily run, then checking myself in at Sunrise Hospital. My wound is forming an abscess and not draining like it usually does. This is only the second time in the 20 or so years I've had it that it's done this. The first time, about ten years ago, I was in for about a week. Hoping it's not as long this time. 

My aids are still going to come over twice a day to clean up for Zelda and Zoey, make sure they have plenty of food and water, and give them a bit of company. It's leaving them home alone that I'm most upset about. They get very sad and mopey, especially after Sylv passed.

I'll be leaving instructions with a few people on what to do if the worst happens, but I'm fairly sure it won't come to that. Still, since it's just me, now, I need to be prepared.

I'm back to work full time on this, and the book will be going to print some time in late April. I'm charging final things to cards now! I had been holding off until I knew I was ready to get things done. Thank you all SO much for being patient in this brutally hard time for me.

Hey, everyone. Want to let you know I'm still here, still trying. I worked today, not happy with the results, but I'm trying. Sylv's passing has been hard on me, in more than the ways that losing a soul-mate and life-long partner usually is. I'm having to learn and figure out how to do even the most basic things myself as I'm now completely on my own 22+ hours a day as a quadriplegic. It's taking longer than I'd hoped, there are still things I'm struggling to do, and any single, simple thing can derail my entire day.

I'm trying. For now, that's all I can do. Please bear with me. I'm not charging cards for shipping or add-ons until I am fully confident that I'm back.